Recently, a reader wrote in and asked for advice dealing with people.
His question was one that gets asked in many circles, over and over.
The reader is a nice guy, has a good job, but doesn't do so well with
the ladies. He asked what he could do differently to attract women
instead of repulse them. Evidently, he has no problem getting a first
date, but has difficulty finding that elusive second date.
My
response shall take place all this week - and has implications far
beyond the question at hand. Understand these simple points, and you can
drastically improve your position in life.
Speaking of
life, we must look at the four basic categories of life: mental,
physical, social, and spiritual. Ignore one at your own peril. All of
the facts and advice over the next week will revolve around these
categories.
If you are not grossly obese, have a job (and a car), and do not live at home with mommy, then "The Date" will come. But what then? So, we know that the female of the species biologically wants the alpha, and would gladly accept the beta, as mentioned in yesterday's post (sometimes called a "lesser alpha" in some circles). You land a date, and you've had poor luck from here on out as my poor reader above has. What to do?
Well, if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten. You must change if you want different results.
Rule #1 - Change how you communicate.
I am not saying you should change who you are.
I am saying you should watch what you say and how you say it.
I am saying I've seen more guys talk themselves out of more dates than you could possibly imagine.
Learn how to actively listen.
Obey the rule of 3:2 - only speak twice for every three times she speaks. Ask her about herself (her favorite topic).
PS - You've heard how women always like the "mysterious man." What's more mysterious than a man you've had a date with and yet you don't know much about him at all (because you, the woman, spoke most of the evening)?
Ah, yes. Now you are getting it, grasshopper!
PPS - This technique works wonders in sales.
Study communication methods; there are plenty of books out there that makes sense and can help. It isn't just about the opposite sex but problems are usually highlighted by that interaction.
ReplyDeleteI often recommend a book called "The Art of Speed Reading People" - based on the Meyers-Briggs Personality test. Breaks out the different personalities into preferred method of approach and how to recognize the personality types.
The aspect of attracting ladies is even simpler in my mind; do things that people will want to know about. Doesn't have to be sky diving or rocket science but have activities that a.) you are knowledgeable about and b.) provide people an opportunity to talk to you about.
Seriously, who wants to talk to the guy who just goes home and watches Walking Dead reruns. Wouldn't someone be more attractive to the ham radio operator, the person taking a cooking class or volunteering at the food pantry?
Bob, thank you for reading and commenting. "The Art of Speed Reading People" is an excellent suggestion. As is the idea of simply communicating.
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