There are memes going around that place the blame for the laziness of this generation's children on their parents. It's true. Children don't have poor behavior and poor work ethic because they are just bad people, it's because they have been trained to be that way.
Bad parents.
Understand, if you are one of these bad parents, it is not a statement about your worth as a human being. It is a statement that denotes that your parenting attempts have failed. If it was a statement of work, then the quote would be "bad people as parents."
Understand, most parents of children who are in Generation Z, are not bad people. Most parents of Generation Z simply adhere to failed parenting strategies. Strategies such as:
Being the child's best friend.
Giving in to the child after they whine for a few moments.
Doing everything for the child.
Allowing older siblings to do everything for the child.
Disallowing the child to suffer the consequences of poor decisions.
Failing to spank.
Anything "attachment parenting."
Ensuring the child thinks they are special.
Ensuring the child thinks that they deserve everything.
Not requiring the child to do work / chores / put on their own clothes / tie their own shoes /etc.
Tolerating tantrums and other bad behavior.
Making excuses for that bad behavior.
Encouraging that bad behavior.
Have you ever been upset with your child's teacher because of a grade your child received? If so, you are part of the problem.
Does your child take medication for ADD / ADHD? If so, then you are part of the problem.
Is your child still not potty trained, yet they are Age 4 or older? If so, then you are part of the problem.
Are you seeking a martial arts program for your child, age 2, 3, 4, 5 (prior to Kindergarten) for discipline? If so, you are likely part of the problem. And here's a hint from a martial arts instructor - because you will not reinforce the discipline at home, it will not work.
Has your child been diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder? 90% chance you are at least part of the problem, if not the entire problem.
Just remember, children do exactly as they are expected to do.
My younger brother and his ex do all of those. They don't listen to anyone, they are outwardly confident of their parenting style. Yet they are consistently inconsistent, rarely keep their word, hardly follow through, nearly always blame the other whenever the unintended crops up, which is often. This breeds disharmony and leaves the boys confused.
ReplyDeleteTheir oldest boy will turn 19 next month. He has yet to graduate HS (not even ready for a GED), lives at home, has never had a paying job, has had numerous run-ins with the law, been twice placed on 5150 hold. His dad buys him beer, since approx. age 13, yet complains when the kid busts into his liquor cabinet. Both supply him with pot, the mother sending through USPS when he stays at his dad's. Their reasoning is the boy will smoke anyhow so it is better if they can control that environment.
His younger brother, age 15, is focused and goal-oriented. By those metrics, he is competent and successful. But he isolates himself both mentally and physically has an anger problem and prone to being physically combative, which combined with his years of martial art training is worrisome. The only authoritative figure he respects is his sensei but marginally so. This young man is secretive and non-engaging, sneaky and a cheat at everything. He instigates strife among 3rd parties then plays innocent.
Both boys do very well in all aspects when they live with me. Both quite gifted in academics and athletics. They do so well when with me that each parent has expressed their praise of 'whatever you are doing is working so keep doing that'. All I'm doing is being attentive, engaged, challenging and demanding of discipline and personal responsibility. And teaching by demonstration and repetition the value of keeping your word and following through.