Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Beard Poop

From a reader:

Dear author,

Please rate a conversation I had recently. The situation was this - I was elected to my HOA Board of Directors. Another board member, a particularly obnoxious woman who describes herself as an Alpha-female, tried to ship test me at the first HOA activity. I wear a beard, as does another board member. She kept "acting" like she was mixing us up. In reality, she was angry at me because the board had named me President - a role she had been eyeing up.

Anyways, she blurts out something about beards having more fecal material than the rest of the body (author's note -  read this for source material). My reply?

"Of course beards have more fecal matter. It's a well-known fact that bearded men pull more tail than others. Where do you think your beard is when you are going down on your lady friend?"

I was surprised she muttered a reply: "oh, you 'pull tail?' Does your wife know about this?"

And my response: "who did you think was the usual recipient of all the fun?"

At that point, she had nothing else to offer and busied herself elsewhere. So, what's your score here?

Very well handled, dear reader. Definitely an alpha response. Most places call that an "agree and amplify." I'll give 4 out of 5 stars. 1 star would be only a slightly alpha answer, and 5 stars would be a Donald Trump answer.

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