Know-it-all

When you are in the martial arts field, you get to deal occasionally with know-it-alls. These are the types that say idiotic statements such as "I've never seen XYZ, but if I did, I'd know what it looks like."

I had just such that sort come in for lessons back in 2005. A man and his 16-year-old son came in. The man wore an old Judo uniform (that was good!), as did his son. The man's belt had once been white, but was dyed green in a homespun fashion, and a bad one at that.

Throughout class, he made sure to reiterate his opinion that he was no "white belt"  and surely would be worthy of a yellow or green (or whatever) belt. Funny: since my adult class rank system is White-Blue-Brown-Black and has been since I've been teaching. Also funny since he clearly had some experience in throws, but no experience in groundwork.

I asked him about the four most basic movements: juji gatame (arm bar), ude garami (arm lock), hadaka jime (rear naked choke), and sankaku jime (triangle choke). He had "never seen these, but if he did, he would be able to immediately do them."  He went on to boast that he would do them better than anybody in the class after first learning them.

After the technique portion of class was over, he begged to be included in the sparring session. Normally, I refrain from allowing beginners to participate in sparring, but since this guy was "clearly not a white belt," and since he clearly needed a lesson in humility, I obliged.

His first opponent was a 15-year-old girl, who was a blue belt. She beat the man over and again with sankaku jime and juji gatame. He asked each time what they were. I let the girl apply the moves on me as a demonstration. He kept thinking, despite my clear indications to the contrary, that juji gatame was some sort of choke since one leg was over the head. He maintained this opinion even after he tapped to that move four or five times. Even after he agreed that the pain was in his elbow!

During this time, the 15-year-old girl's little sister (age 13, also a blue belt) was doing the same to the man's son (age 16, remember).

After the repeated drumming, he still maintained that he deserved a green or yellow belt. Even after I advised him that I do not use those belts in adult classes.

I'm sure the guy was a Calvinist, too. Sheesh.


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