Guide for Groomsmen

This is a guide for groomsmen. And for Best Men. And for Ushers. And to some extent for Grooms. Pretty much any male who is officially part of the wedding ceremony.

This is sparked by the fact that earlier today, I was an Usher for my brother-in-law. This makes about a dozen weddings that I've been an official part of since 1998.

A wise Groomsman will follow this advice to the "T" and, in so doing, will help make the wedding go more smoothly for the others. So here's the advice:


Know your measurements. 
A Wise Groomsman knows his sizes. Your jacket size, shirt size, pants size (the real size - not what you wish you were!), and shoe size. You should be able to call your sizes in without getting measured. To do so means you might first need to get professionally measured, but more on that later.

Jacket - know the chest size, and arm length. Know how many inches exactly that the arm must be hemmed, if necessary. I am lucky - I wear a 52-Long: straight off the rack. In my measurement, the "52" indicates chest size, the "Long" indicates the sleeve length.

Shirt - the measurements here are neck size, and sleeve length. I am an 18 1/2 (neck) and 36/37 sleeve.

Pants - know the waist and the inseam measurements. I am a 42 - 30. Meaning my waist is 42, my inseam is 30. Some places might ask your outseam, so know that one, too (I'm a 40).

Shoes - the size includes the length and width. I am a 13-E (or 13-wide). The number is the length, the letter is the width.

All tuxedo rental places are not created equal. MOST are chain stores. You will not be measured correctly in a chain store. Chain store employees are no more a tailor or seamstress than a McDonald's cook is a chef.

For example - I have been the same pant size since 10th Grade - over 20 years. I have fluctuated as much as an inch up or down (tuxedo pants adjust 3-4 inches up and down). I have been measured a 36" and I've been measured a 51" waist... and almost everything in between. However, tuxedo pants do not fit me unless they come in a 42 waist.

Oh, yeah, every other measurement taken at a chain has been interpreted to wild extremes, too!


Bring the basics.
Bring a white t-shirt and black dress socks. The most likely thing that the tuxedo rental place will forget is the socks. The most likely thing you will forget is the undershirt.

I bring extra undershirts, for the other men who will inherently forget one. I've been a part of at least s dozen weddings, and never seen one where every male participant brought a white t-shirt.


Know how to fold a handkerchief.
It really is simpler than you think. Here's a link. Unless uniform handkerchief folds have been specifically mandated, I suggest a careful "TV" fold, or "3-Point" fold. Point up. Always, point up. This shows you pay attention to detail.

PS -  similarly, a man should know how to tie a tie, but that's a different blog post. Windsor knot - anything less is lazy or uncivilized.


Know how to follow directions. 
You will be ordered around by a wedding planner. Or a friend of the bride, that the bride feels is a good organizer. If she (they are almost always "she's") is not a professional wedding planner, it's likely she has been to only one or two more weddings than you have.

Still, it is the Bride's day - and the wedding planner knows exactly what the bride wants. It will be over in an hour or two - so shut up and listen.


Know how to be helpful.
Folks are going to forget things, or plans will change, or something will break... you get the point. Be ready to help out. Be the first to help out.


Mind your manners. 
Be a complete gentleman on this day, nothing less.

I'm talking James Bond, here.

When that fat lady barges past you to get ahead in line for the cake, let her by, and compliment her on how slimming her dress is.

When the drunk uncle accuses you of some hideous atrocity that is humanly impossible, apologize for your part in his imagined plot.

When you get asked to dance with the single person in the room you really didn't want to dance with, smile and enjoy the fact that the dance will be over in a moment.

Remember - it's not your day (even especially if you are the groom). It is the bride's day. Little girls grow up dreaming about this one day. Every little girl deserves that, even if the woman she's become does not deserve it. Give that special day to that precious little innocent 8-year-old she once was.


Participate. 
Seriously. It can be fun. At the least, you get free food, some cake, and the opportunity to look really sharp for a couple of hours.


Don't mind the kids. 
Kids will be kids. Don't mind it at all. Let them enjoy themselves. Or cry. Or whatever.


Have some alone time afterwards. 
It might be hard to do that same weekend, but within a month, you need to have a day all to yourself. Everybody's gotta wind down, and weddings can be hard to wind down from.

Me? I'm going shootin' in a week or two!