Verbal Ripostes and Resets

In combat and the martial arts, timing is very important. The great Miyamoto Musashi pointed out in The Book of Five Rings that, with regard to attacking, timing was second only to the skills of the combatants. Donald Trump mentions timing many times in The Art of the Deal. Suffice it to say that when it comes to interpersonal dynamics, timing is of immense importance.

In interpersonal dealings, and in combat, one needs to know what to do, and when. Since attack is necessary to overcome one's opponent, three major courses of action become necessary:
Attack - going on the offensive.
Riposte - a quick counterattack.
Reset - defending the opponent's attack, and moving back to an equal position.

There are many types of attacks. There are many types of ripostes. Resetting, however, is a simple, yet underutilized tactic. In fact, when someone is skilled at resetting, they are often perceived as a master tactician. The reset gives you:
- The opportunity to measure your opponent's strength.
- The opportunity to tire your opponent.
- Key information on how your opponent attacks and defends.
- Information on your opponent's timing.
- Information on your opponent's skill level.
- And much more!

This entry will be dedicated to the verbal reset.

Once, a person took issue with something written in this blog. They decided to confront the author in a church. It was clear that this person wanted confrontation... possibly even a physical confrontation! While the author had every confidence in emerging victorious in either a verbal or physical confrontation, this was also neither the time nor the place. Nothing would be lost with a reset. And so, a verbal reset was employed:  "OK."

On a different occasion, an acquaintance of the author gives another example. This acquaintance frequently spoke with the author about "we need to do this," or "we should put together that." But never were concrete plans discussed. One Friday, this person contacted the author with a request for concrete plans... in 36 hours. When it was pointed out that the author had already made plans during that time frame, the response was "we discussed this last week." In truth, this had been discussed the week prior, but with no concrete date and time... just "some day." And so, a verbal reset was employed: "OK."

The key to the verbal reset is acknowledgement.
Please note... acknowledgement is not agreement.

Acknowledge the other party's statement. Do not agree to it outright. Do not disagree with it outright.  Acknowledge it. "OK" works in most cases. "Acknowledged" can work. "Understood" can also work. "I hear you" can work. Be careful of "yes" answers. Similarly, be mindful of how you use "ok." If in doubt of whether to use "ok," then use "understood."

Do NOT add additional words. "I hear you" and "I hear what you're saying, but..." are two different phrases. The first is a reset, and the second is a riposte. Be careful with your words. Additional words can often come across as passive-aggressive or argumentative. Because they are.

The best part of using "OK" or "Acknowledged" is that the verbal bully will think he has gained your cooperation. If it becomes necessary to contradict him later, all avenues of approach are at your disposal. Of course he will cry "but you agreed with me!" And once you advise him that you simply acknowledged without agreement, he will be betrayed by his own lack of understanding of how things work. The "battle" will be on the field of your choosing instead of the field of his choosing.

Using "Acknowledged" in an email also works wonders in the exact same way.