Jerry Miculek Jokes

I saw it said somewhere that Jerry Miculek is arguably the greatest shooter of all time. I'm here to tell you there's no “arguably” about it. Chuck Norris got his own jokes. It's high time Jerry got his. I will add more as they come in and if you comment one. Check back on this one often!

• Chuck Norris is the Jerry Miculek of Martial Arts. 
• Can you imagine trying to rob this old man, and you've got 20 holes in you before you can blink??
• Jerry's trigger finger had to pay a tax stamp to the ATF. 
• Heard at the shooting range: "Who is shooting the machine gun?" - "oh, that's Jerry shooting a revolver."
• Jerry could show up to a gun fight with an empty gun. Load it, shoot it, reload it, shoot it again, and reholster all before the bad guy squeezes the trigger. 
• Imagine breaking into Jerry's home and hearing that "beep" of the timer???
• Jerry's home alarm is just a timer beep. 
• "Remember, transitioning to a pistol is faster than reloading." Jerry - "hold my beer..."
• Jerry once fired an Uzi on full auto. His response? "Too slow."
• Robbers: "he is just one old man. He cannot stop all 8 of us!"  Jerry: "Woooheeee!"
• Bad guys: "it's a revolver, he's got eight shots at most, we'll rush him when he has to reload" [Insert Morgan Freeman voice]: "unfortunately for them, Jerry can reload while firing"
• Jerry Miculek is considered a high capacity magazine by the State of California. 
• Robber: "Hands u..."  [has already been shot 28 times, including 2 reloads]
• Jerry is the walking definition of "you picked the wrong house"
• On the Mount Rushmore of shooting, there is Jerry Miculek's face 4 times. Once each with a rifle, pistol, shotgun, and a PCC. 
• If asked what one thing you want to take with you into the zombie apocalypse: "Jerry Miculek"
• Jerry on high speed camera is faster than most "GunTubers" on 1.5 speed. 
• Jerry once had a malfunction. The gun apologized.
• Jerry doesn't shoot split times. He shoots fractions of split times.
• Jerry's shot timer doesn't record his splits. It files a complaint.
• Jerry once missed a target. The target was disqualified.
• Jerry doesn't need a speedloader. Speedloaders need Jerry.
• Jerry can shoot a six-shot group with a five-shot revolver.
• Jerry doesn't outrun the shot timer. The shot timer starts early to give itself a chance.
• Jerry's reloads are so fast that the empty brass hasn't hit the ground before he's finished the next cylinder.
• Jerry once shot a qualification course so fast the instructor was still reading the instructions.
• Jerry Miculek doesn't practice double taps. He practices single taps because two rounds are already gone. And in the same hole. 
• Jerry Miculek doesn't shoot faster than the speed of sound. The speed of sound shoots slower than Jerry Miculek.
• Greased lightning is jealous of how fast Jerry Miculek is.
• Jerry Miculek once entered a speed-shooting competition. They awarded him first place before the timer beeped.
• Jerry doesn't have a trigger reset. The trigger has to catch up with him. (Literally true!)
• Jerry Miculek once fired a warning shot. The bullet arrived yesterday.
• Jerry can fire a 50 cal around the world and shoot an apple off his own head.
• Jerry Miculek doesn't account for the Coriolis effect. The Earth adjusts its rotation to accommodate Jerry's shot.
• Jerry Miculek - If you hear the beep you weren’t the target.

Some Jerry Miculek feats:

1. 1000-yard ready-up with a .50 BMG rifle standing. 2.10 seconds
2. 1000 yard shot with a 9mm! 
3. Revolver - fire 6, reload, fire 6 more. 3 seconds! 
4. .50 BMG - 6 shots in under 1 second! (He has his finger back off the trigger at the same time the bolt is all the way back!)