From Survival to Control: Three Turning Points - Part 2
I've mentioned that I grew up in a violent household. Well, not surprisingly, it was also a household filled with mental and verbal abuse. Something that should never be aimed at a child from their parent or parents. But, it was aimed at my siblings and myself.
There are moments where you realize the rules you’ve been following were never fair to begin with.
This was one of those moments.
The Story
My mother asked me to fix her TV. I told her I would, but I couldn’t do it immediately because I had plans already in motion. I left. I came back several hours later, exactly as I said I would.
When I went to my room, my TV was gone. There was a note:
“Since you went back on your word, I went back on mine.”
The TV had been taken. It had been given to me by my grandmother. This was somehow the "word" that my mother was going back on. Don't ask me to make it make sense. Folks with paranoid schizophrenia rarely make logical sense.
My mother wasn’t home, so I searched the house. The TV was gone. At that point, something clicked. I didn’t argue. I didn’t wait. I didn’t engage.
I went downstairs, took her typewriter - the thing she valued more than anything at that time - and removed it completely. I placed it somewhere she would not find it. I removed the supplies that made it usable.
She returned some time later, and soon enough, discovered the missing typewriter. She demanded I return the device. I did not return the typewriter, instead, I said:
“When my TV reappears, your typewriter reappears.”
She demanded it back. Repeatedly. She tried to reassert control. I didn’t argue. I didn’t escalate. I simply repeated the condition. And then I stopped engaging.
The TV came back.
This was one of those moments.
The Story
My mother asked me to fix her TV. I told her I would, but I couldn’t do it immediately because I had plans already in motion. I left. I came back several hours later, exactly as I said I would.
When I went to my room, my TV was gone. There was a note:
“Since you went back on your word, I went back on mine.”
The TV had been taken. It had been given to me by my grandmother. This was somehow the "word" that my mother was going back on. Don't ask me to make it make sense. Folks with paranoid schizophrenia rarely make logical sense.
My mother wasn’t home, so I searched the house. The TV was gone. At that point, something clicked. I didn’t argue. I didn’t wait. I didn’t engage.
I went downstairs, took her typewriter - the thing she valued more than anything at that time - and removed it completely. I placed it somewhere she would not find it. I removed the supplies that made it usable.
She returned some time later, and soon enough, discovered the missing typewriter. She demanded I return the device. I did not return the typewriter, instead, I said:
“When my TV reappears, your typewriter reappears.”
She demanded it back. Repeatedly. She tried to reassert control. I didn’t argue. I didn’t escalate. I simply repeated the condition. And then I stopped engaging.
The TV came back.
The typewriter also magically returned to its place.
The Lesson
That was the day I realized I didn’t have to play the game. Some systems are not built on fairness. They are built on:
The Lesson
That was the day I realized I didn’t have to play the game. Some systems are not built on fairness. They are built on:
- control
- shifting rules
- and emotional reaction
Tie to Today
That moment shaped how I deal with conflict and pressure. Not everything deserves engagement. Not every argument should be answered. Sometimes the most effective move is:
- define the boundary
- state the condition
- and remove yourself from the noise
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