Controlling the Conversation

Recently, a reader wrote in and asked for advice dealing with people. His question was one that gets asked in many circles, over and over. The reader is a nice guy, has a good job, but doesn't do so well with the ladies. He asked what he could do differently to attract women instead of repulse them. Evidently, he has no problem getting a first date, but has difficulty finding that elusive second date.

My response shall take place all this week - and has implications far beyond the question at hand. Understand these simple points, and you can drastically improve your position in life.

Speaking of life, we must look at the four basic categories of life: mental, physical, social, and spiritual. Ignore one at your own peril. All of the facts and advice over the next week will revolve around these categories.

OK, so you feel confident about using active listening. You are going to let her speak thrice for every two times you speak. You know the pitfalls of conversation, and are superbly prepared to avoid them. But something is still missing. So far, we've only discussed broad overviews of what to do and not do. What are some of the specifics?

How to control the conversation without controlling it. 
You do not want to seem like that jerk used-car salesman. You would rather be smooth like James Bond when it comes to controlling the conversation. Here's the real art... and here is where real salesmanship shines!

Rule #3 - Make your mission (not the woman) your priority.

• Don't play by her rules.
• Tactically make her jealous if needed.

If the waitress flirts with you, flirt back a bit. 
Attractive blonde on the other side of the room gazing at you? Gaze back.
Never say "I love you" first. 

Rule #4 - Be totally self-confident. 

• Err on the side of too much confidence rather than too little. 
• Maximize strengths and minimize weaknesses.

If you are over age 30 and available, with a job, car, and your own place, you are automatically in the top 5% of available men. ACT LIKE IT!

Rule #5 - Connect with her emotions, utilize them to your benefit

• Keep her guessing.
• Do not tolerate her BS, though. 

This, men, is your playground. This is where men are made, and boys go home. Allow her to feel her emotions, not just drag through your inane male logic. Take the conversation to each of these:
Hope, then fear
Joy, then sorrow
Love, and then hate
Attraction, then disgust
Pride and embarrassment 
If you successfully get into and out of three full categories, this date will go as you wish. 

Use active listening and carefully placed anecdotes, followed by questions about her to rouse each of these emotions. Be completely self confident the whole time. Pay attention to what is said, but do not get lost in the story - be completely aware of and the master of your surroundings.

And most importantly - use a push / tug type of technique. 
Draw her in, then push her away. 
Never too dramatic. Never too forceful. No overkill. Be subtle. 




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